When many people started asking lately if I was okay, I realized I really have not filled many people in on what has been going on with our family. Our father was diagnosed with colon cancer last year. He has been through several rounds of radiation/chemotherapy combination. Some of it has been successful but his pain has never fully subsided and has in the past few months grown incredibly bad for him. Recently he was admitted to the hospital for bleeding where we were informed he is in liver failure. He/we were given a few weeks, months tops.
In each of our own ways (brother, sisters, Mom), we have dealt with this news. Mine was to close in tighter to my family. I did NOT want to share with anyone else what was going on. In my mind I think if I "denied" it to others I could prolong the inevitable. But really...I wanted to be selfish. I wanted to keep my Daddy to myself. All to me. I didn't WANT to share him with others. I didn't want them to hear about this once strong and stubborn man now thin and frail and confused. Because I still see him as the man who lead family prayer time, the man who witnessed to the lost, the man I argued with when I was a teenager...I want to KEEP those memories, I wasn't ready to share him with others. I wanted to be selfish. I am the one who wants to "RAGE AGAINST THE DYING OF THE LIGHT"!!!
Bur God is ready for his child. He has been ready for my father before even his first breath. And to be honest I thank God for letting me borrow this man, if even for a short time. It hasn't been an easy time, but I wouldn't exchange ANY of these 38 years I have had with my Daddy! I love you Dad...more than you can ever possibly know.
2 comments:
thank you for sharing him and where you are at- I'll be praying for all of you.
That was beautiful. Thank you for sharing the memories and pain of this. Praying for comfort and for the peace for you and your dad.
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