Coming or Going?

July 10, 2007

Ever don't know if you're coming or going? So much has been/is going on that I have no idea what to do. Turning to God or prayer does help a bit but then I still end up feeling...whew...sad and tired. Raising 2 toddlers, being pregnant AGAIN and all the other mess happening...is well..overwhelming and daunting. Everything is such a mess that many days I sit and cry once the kids are down for a nap. They do not need to see their Mom like that. It is not fair to their pyches. For me, I find myself in prayer asking to get through another day both for their sakes and mine. Some like to tell me "It's just pregnancy hormones." Yet all that is going on is not my creation but someone else's. The devastation they have wrought appears without end.

Most know what I am talking about. It's that feeling of loss, despair, confusion, saddness you feel in those quiet moments (or in my case with 2 little ones..not so quiet moments). I know God will get us through and make us a stronger family but for now I am swimming in the muck all while protecting these kids from all the mud around us. Perhaps not the enlightening Christian view one was looking for but personal walks are just those...personal. We all walk our own. I am walking a hard path right now. At the end hopefully I will be stronger, braver and the person God wants me to be.