The Skinny (Or Fat for Dumb People)

This a peeve of mine and has been now through ALL 3 pregnancies; people who blurt STUPID stuff without using that filter God gave them in their brain called: TACT!!

I'm not sure when someone makes a comment about weight to a pregnant lady that they think this is acceptable or what. Example: "Gosh! Are you sure you're not having twins?!" (got that with my second) or "Wow! You are REALLY out there!" (got that with my first) or the recent comment was, "You're really showing for only that far along!" What the heck?! Okay, I am 6 1/2 months pregnant, I have gained 12 lbs (below what I should be gaining BTW) and this is my THIRD kid!! GRRR... Then my Mom relates a comment she made to a lady carrying twins needing a wheelbarrow by 9 months (she's 3 months along)! No she didn't?!

What the...?! Here's the scoop for all thsoe who have not been pregnant, do not intend be pregnant or well...just don't have the right equiptment: it is NOT okay to spout and spew this poop at pregnant women!! Unless of course you are an imbecile or really want to die at a pregnant woman's swollen ankles! And here is a lithmus test in case you are still confused about what IS acceptable to say: if you wouldn't say it to a fat person...then don't say it to a pregnant lady. BUT...for those of you that hurt other people by saying cruel and heartless things then please use KISS and say, "You look good."

'Kay, I had my say. I must waddle away now to find some more Dips. Just as soon as I get outta my chair!

Been nutty here with our oldest's birthday party. But, WHEW! that's done (and another post or for my other blog).

Today I'm thinking about ambition and how do you go about instilling that in your children. Hmmm...see PERSONALLY I am not all that ambitious. I never wanted to BE anything. Not a teacher, not a doctor, not a wife, not a mother...nothing. Sounds sad but it really isn't. I've never wondered what I COULD have been since I had no desire to BE anything. I've exsisted and feel okay about that. Not good. Not bad. Okay. Heehee...this drives one particular person crazy but at least now I know where the ambivilance comes from. Oops! Sorry mind wandered. Where was I?

Now my parents were supportive but not goal oriented people. Correction: my MOM was those things. She never swayed me one way or another. Never asked my interests or goals. Yet I knew she was there. So how much can I lay on her and how much do I lay on myself? Another question.

So now I am trying to figure out how as a Mom I can foster that ambition. Not that kind of ambition that leaves a burnt path of pain and devestation in its wake. But the kind that drives one forward with the desire to do good works. I know providing a faith based home is a start but then everything starts to look all muddled. I try to introduce the kids to new experiences and cultures as often as I can and hope to continue to do so. They need to be exposed to others and other things so they CAN carve out a path. My black/white husband told me this though, "No matter how much we try to be a Rockwell family, or anybody does, we'll still mess it up as parents. But that will help them make their paths too." Ahh...sometimes you just need someone to wipe the dirty glass so you can see it sparkle dontcha?

Time

When you're a SAHM so much seems to revolve around the kids, especially when they are little. They still can't do for themselves, they still want you (Mommy, Mommy!!!)... And not that I mind, but it was great to go out this weekend without them and reconnect with my husband.

Ever realize how much you miss someone you see everyday? That's pretty much how it was for me. DH works LONG hours so I can stay home with the kids. Unfortunately that means time gets sacrificed both for the kids and me. We see him minimally during the week. So it was a nice change to just walk, have a yummy dinner and actually talk all without interruption. After 15 years I still love to hear him talk, laugh, and be thoughtful & introspective. I am always amazed at how much he knows or remembers (I'm lucky if I remember what the heck I did with my car keys half the time).

This entry may seem a bit sappy for some (I warned you early enough) but...if you've ever not been able to hang out with a good friend, a close relative, a lover, or spouse and then to add the fact that you see them everyday you understand where I am coming from. I Corinthians 13:13 states : "And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love." We can have faith in God or our other relationships that they will survive despite all. We can have hope in our relationships that things will "get better". But if you lack love in relationships then what would the point be? While love may not sustain you through all adversity it is the foundation on which you need to build your "home". It will be the thing that will bind you and push you on. It will give you the strength you need to get rid of all the other mess. And if you've read any other posts you know that it is what is helping me overcome all that poop.

Lord Byron wrote: "I have great hopes that we shall love each other all our lives as much as if we had never married at all." I would still love DH even if we had never got married (wouldn't he be shocked?). He is a great person to hang out with, share faith with, have hope in and love. I'm glad I got the chance this weekend to really appreciate that all over.

Removed

I removed the last blog entry as the person who started all this poo IS working hard to correct their mistakes. It has been behind the scene work so nothing I could tangibly see or hear. As humans we tend to want results before we believe someone. We may have been decieved one too many times, lied to once too often. We are accustomed more to the lies than the truth. Weird huh? Since as Christians we are the exact opposite with our faith. Anyway, because I was seeing no "results" I overreacted and misjudged the actions of this person. "Judge not, and ye shall not be judged: condemn not, and ye shall not be condemned, forgive, and ye shall be forgiven." Luke 6:37 (Man! I gotta keep remembering this!!) To this person...should you read this, I am sorry. While the road still will be hard I am willing to start making amends, move forward and regain our friendship and love for one another. I miss you more than you know.

Trials are not easy. Honestly my life has been pretty effortless up until this point. I have a passionate, hard-working husband, 2 bright kids, another wee Goob on the way, a home, food for our table and clothes on our backs. We have been in a calm for a long time so ya kinda knew a storm (a doozy in this case) was coming. As a Christian your faith can be tested. I knew/know that turning my back on God would/will not result in good; but to be honest, when you are in a tornado it is hard to focus and find Him. You feel defeated. You want to give up. But Lamentations 3:22-23 says: "The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases, his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning..." So while I or you may feel alone and crushed God will lift us up and move us back onto our path each and everyday.

Angry

I am so angry!! This is truely going to be a day of testing. What do you do when someone appears to have blatently shoved something in your face? Again, rhetorical question...but...

I just want to scream "Do you have ANY idea how putting ME through this right now effects this child I am carrying?!" Crap! Are they really so selfish? Is it really just as simple as another person WANTING to hurt another? I mean, I know about murderers, rapists and stuff but...come ON!!!

All this is making me physically ill. I don't eat, I don't sleep, I am throwing up because I cry so much (hence if I do eat...)...So where to from here? Good question. Wish I knew. Wish I knew.

Coming or Going?

July 10, 2007

Ever don't know if you're coming or going? So much has been/is going on that I have no idea what to do. Turning to God or prayer does help a bit but then I still end up feeling...whew...sad and tired. Raising 2 toddlers, being pregnant AGAIN and all the other mess happening...is well..overwhelming and daunting. Everything is such a mess that many days I sit and cry once the kids are down for a nap. They do not need to see their Mom like that. It is not fair to their pyches. For me, I find myself in prayer asking to get through another day both for their sakes and mine. Some like to tell me "It's just pregnancy hormones." Yet all that is going on is not my creation but someone else's. The devastation they have wrought appears without end.

Most know what I am talking about. It's that feeling of loss, despair, confusion, saddness you feel in those quiet moments (or in my case with 2 little ones..not so quiet moments). I know God will get us through and make us a stronger family but for now I am swimming in the muck all while protecting these kids from all the mud around us. Perhaps not the enlightening Christian view one was looking for but personal walks are just those...personal. We all walk our own. I am walking a hard path right now. At the end hopefully I will be stronger, braver and the person God wants me to be.

Betrayal & Mistrust

July 8, 2007

For over a month I have been dealing with a betrayal of someone close. It has not been easy (even with prayer). I'm human. I've weighed in on both sides of the fence at one time or another but this has been a great blow to me. So how do you get over those feelings of anger, bitterness, sadness, fear, and mistrust? That's a rhetorical question...but should you feel the need to comment...go ahead.

The Bible describes anger as residing "in the lap of fools" Ecclesiastes 7:9 or in the book of Jonah the Lord asks, "Have you any right to be angry?" 4:4. Gee, on the surface then I am an ungrateful fool. Yet closer look at each Scripture simply means anger should be slow in coming (if at all) and that God will bring you through the strife so why BE angry even if you feel you "deserve" to be angry? Hmm...I know we are to be Christ-like in our ways but I must say I am a knee-jerk-reaction kinda gal and ooo-WHEE is that hard when you are heated!

Sadness and all the other emotions are kinda covered here too. I know turning it over to God is the key but again...HUMAN here! Not an angel or living in Heaven! It's hard when this happens because it alters who you are. I am a different wife, mother, sister, friend. Currently I struggle to capture who I was only to realize that is not possible. I am forever altered. Now to adjust to the new me and use this to grow in all those areas and continue in faith.

I've heard others talk of betrayal and say, "Well...Jesus was betrayed and he forgave." Okay..I am SURE they think this is a good example but...we are talkin' Son of God here folks! He KNEW he would be betrayed. He said so at the Supper, He said so in the Garden of Gesthemene and He even prayed to His Father about it! My current bretrayal came out of the blue. SMACK! But they are right when they talk of forgiveness. We are called to forgive as Christians. Would that the rest of the World listened to that (but that is another topic). Matthew 6:14-15 says, "For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins." Mark 11:26 state basically the same. Ephesians 4:32 calls us to be kind, compassionate and forgiving to each other as Christ has done for us. Talk about another SMACK!

It is not easy to forgive or trust another when they have taken a trust given freely and without strings and smashed it but if you are a Christian then faith, belief and God's promises call you to act counter to how you, I, we as humans WANT to respond. Personally my first reaction was, "Convict them Lord! Make 'em suffer!" Yeah, so not the Christian attitude you would expect but...Now I am simply relying on Scripture to pull me through and help me rebuild the relationship or at least a tolerable exsistence for all concerned. We'll see. Just found some out more info. So it starts all over again! Sad thing is it appears I am not the only one being decieved. Many are being lied to or not being given a full truth. Does this person know how to or will they EVER be honest? Now how do you work through THAT?!